1) There are no rules about how you should look. The rules you think are rules are well thought out manipulative campaigns by a beauty industry feeding on the disposable income in your purse or wallet. They do this by convincing you that you are not perfect, successful, attractive, sexy, young enough and a bottle of some extortionate branded perfume, a razor or a particular moisturiser could change all this. You are chasing dreams that will oil the pound signs of multinational countries whilst hoping they will make your own eyes bright. Not to mention it’s all pacification and a well-thought out distraction to take our minds away from those pulling our strings.
2) If you want to spend money on beauty products, at least use them in a way that expresses your individuality. We don’t need to blend in, we are creative human beings, not a grey eyeshadow or a stick of black Kohl.
3) Ignore people who think you look to much like a wayward smudge than a well-heeled blend.
4) Wear whatever clothes you want, (when you can), don’t bury yourself in the unable-to-think-groupthink of the masses.
5) There are no fat skeletons, therefore the ‘big boned’ theory doesn’t stand up to scrutiny. Don’t make excuses for who you are to fit someone else’s dimensions.
6) Being fit doesn’t equal thin. You can be thin and unfit and larger and run two marathons easily.
7) Teachers and the education system are the worst for trying to beat the individuality out of people. Ignore them too.
8) Wear yourself well according to your own creative understanding and set of values.
9) Love with all your heart. Without love, we are destinations going nowhere, with it, we are the world.
10) No feelings are wrong, but we can be wrong in how we deal with them. Take a moment before you react, words can’t be unsaid.
11) Emotions can often be like traffic lights with a loose connection. Stop! Wait! Now GO……. NO, NO WAIT….WAIT….WAIT I SAID. They are often telling you something but often in the most incoherent way possible. Try and sit with them as you would a child and listen.
12) Most of our emotions come from the older part of our brain, the limbic system. This part of the brain looked after us when we were hunter gatherers and met an animal who thought we would make the cut for dinner. Unfortunately, this part of the brain hasn’t changed much (no one wants to eat us now, unless you meet a cannibal and if you do, HOW EXCITING!) and it now often acts like an emotionally incontinent nutter when it feels like it. Remember this when it acts up. Its a toddler high-jacking your brain.
11) Self-esteem is overrated and often leads to an overinflated ego, due to focusing too much on self. Switch your focus to others.
12) Get out of your own head at least once a day. Write, read, go for a walk, jog, sew or knit, do some yoga, drive, listen to music, play an instrument, be with others, just do something. It gets cluttered inside our heads and we need to make room for the light to get in.
13) Confidence comes through evidence. So get up and do something to chip away at your own insidious self-doubt.
14) Motivation comes from doing, it won’t fall into your lap while you sit there with a cup of tea willing it to give you a surge in energy.
15) You are no more important than anyone else and just as important as everyone else.
16) Don’t assume anything. Ask!
17) What other people think of us doesn’t matter. Be the best person you can be and what people think of you will pale in comparison to your own opinion of self.
18) When we are trying to solve an emotional issue or deal with something, often we need to give our minds space to think away from our own constant thoughts and internal chatter. Get on with life and your brain will solve the problem.
19) The meaning of life is different for all of us but give to others and you just might find your own
20) No one is perfect, we are all a beautiful mess sprinkled with star dust.
21) Money isn’t happiness. It’s pacification.
22) Don’t expect people to live by your values. Practice living by them yourself instead.
23) When we are young, we have less to do, thus we often want to grow up. When we are older, we often have more to do and thus want time to slow down.
24) Older people often like to talk, listen. They have more to say than you and you have more to say than people younger than yourself. It’s all relative.
25) Age does not always bring wisdom, only experience. To carve out wisdom from experience, one has to question and learn from the pain.
26) Logic works better than emotion but logical emotions bring rewards.
27) We all suffer by virtue of being human. No one has the monopoly on pain. However, we can stop the suffering from understanding the pain.
28) Don’t be a victim. We may have had a terrible past but we can choose the story of our future.
29) Respect is earned just like trust.
30) Authority figures do not deserve respect unless they give it equally.
31) Earn peoples respect.
32) Be the own judge of your behaviour, did you do better today than yesterday, then that’s all that matters.
33) Don’t give people power that they don’t deserve. Protect your heart and mind.
34) Forgiveness is overrated. Have you moved on, do you still think about the person/people involved. If the answer is no and you are happy, then no need to partake in some airy fairy forgiveness process.
35) Moaning that you are offended is nothing more than ego. Don’t whine.
36) Be present.
37) If you get into a relationship, ask yourself whether you are friends. It’s a lack of friendship that destroys love in the end.
38) Make people smile.
39) Not doing anything is still a decision and the consequences are down to you.
40) And…..all decisions have consequences, you are not exempt from them because you didn’t think your decision through or you don’t like the consequences.
41) We all get old. Don’t let age rub out your dreams. Don’t let age shape you into someone who looks at time and shrinks away as if life is already a distant memory. Dreams only fade if you stop believing, chances only lost if you reject hope. And if you reject hope and wonder, it’s not age but death that becomes you.
42) Love is a verb. Make sure actions and words match, especially your own.
43) Try and swap your subjective for the wider objective to understand life.
44) We move forward when our current suffering is greater than the fear of change.
45) Being abusive on social media because you can hide behind a screen doesn’t make you somebody. It simply serves as a reminder of who you are.
46) Help people at every opportunity.
47) None of us know what we are doing. We are like kids walking along a crumbling path in a deep, dark forest with our hands out in front of us. We might not know where we are going but we can hold each other hands to soften the fall.
48) If people don’t understand you, it’s not your problem. You do not have to explain to others what they can’t be bothered to find out for themselves.
49) Be concerned about those who have adjusted to a sick society, they are the truly unwell.
50) Mental illness is not a weakness. Our suffering would capsize many.
51) People only want you to pull yourself together to meet their needs.
52) The mind and the body are connected. It’s only in western medicine that they are seen as separate entities which when we think about it is pretty stupid. Unfortunately, modern psychiatry needs to lie to push their debunked arguments our way.
53) Most psychiatrists have an oversized ego.
54) No one should pill shame another person, and no one should attack someone because they do not take pills either. It’s all relative.
55) Having mental illness doesn’t give you the right to treat people badly. Do not use it as an excuse. If you do act badly, apologise as soon as you can.
56) You will lose friends due to your MI, it’s hard but it helps us to genuinely love those that stay with us.
57) Your mind is not diseased.
58) Your brain is not diseased.
59) We can choose our narrative around our mental illness. It’s not for others to tell the story of our lives.
60) You are beautifully you, carved out of pain and adversity. Remember this and use what you have learnt to help others.
61) Let the world mould to you rather than you moulding to it as a good friend Lynne recently said.
62) People are scared of mental illness because the idea of their brain packing up is too frightening. We are living their worst nightmare every day and still surviving.
63) Don’t let anyone make you feel less than or inferior due to mental illness, we are more than most can imagine.
64) We are programmed to be negative due to old evolutionary imperatives, so we have to steadfastly choose happiness.
65) You can’t chase happiness, it flutters past on the breeze like the soft beat of a birds wings and you have to catch it.
66) Spend a good portion of your life doing that which makes you happy. Life is too fleeting for regrets.
67) If others don’t make you happy, let them go. Our time here is over in the thump of a heartbeat, don’t waste it being miserable.
68) What makes one happy, annoys another. That’s okay.
69) Make others happy. They will remember how you made them feel.
70) All peoples behaviour is a consequence of their reality, not yours.
71) People are different, they come in different hues and wearing different designs. Let them be.
72) Don’t be jealous of friends doing well. There is enough good fortune in the world for you too. It will not run out because you offer a celebratory toast.
73) Families have to earn love. If they treat you badly, you owe them nothing and do not have to spend your life tortured by misplaced loyalty.
74) Don’t get caught up in peoples drama. Leave the show immediately and let them entertain themselves.
75) Have good boundaries.
76) People we love sometimes can hurt us, we can choose to react with anger or try to understand them and learn. Pick your battles, most aren’t worth having.
77) Think the best of people you care about and remember who they are deep down when they occasionally mess up.
78) When you judge others, please make sure you are perfect first.
79) Don’t try and change the person you are with. If you can’t accept them, why are you with them.
80) In a relationship, believe in your partner and help them achieve their goals and reach their dreams. If they do the same for you, you have a relationship where your priories are each other. A truly beautiful thing.
81) You are not responsible for your partners feelings and neither are they responsible for yours.
82) Your insecurities are your own responsibility. Your partner may reassure you, but ultimately you must deal with the things that scare you.
83) Never go to bed angry.
84) We all argue, it’s how we argue that matters and how quickly we can make up and sort out what needs to change.
86) Stop waiting for the perfect partner. Use the time to make yourself into the best version of yourself for your potential mate.
87) Being human is to be creative.
88) Spend time every day doing something that you enjoy, even if for only half an hour.
89) Do what scares you just because you can.
90) Keep a childlike sense of wonder. Don’t wither in cynicism whilst still alive.
92) Laugh as much as you can. Humour is good for the mind and soul.
93) If you are fearful, you need to learn, not react.
94) Governments, media corporations, newspapers, are all selling you a perspective that they hope ‘because you are stupid’ you will accept. Be cleverer.
95) Stigma not only stigmatizes the recipient but also the person who fails to rejoice in difference.
96) If you rejoice in causing harm, you are a drone for those in power. What an achievement.
97) If you don’t understand yourself, you will have a hard time understanding others.
98) If you don’t like yourself, you will be hard on yourself and often too hard on others.
99) Compassion for others but not self is no compassion at all as Buddha would say.
100) And finally just be nice. It’s underrated.
Oh and cake.
© Copyright Henrietta M Ross.
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